WALT choose words that describe a moment (in an exciting way) for the reader
YOUR SIGNS OF SUCCESS
- begins in the action
- present tense (I am, not I was)
- short, sharp sentences
- strong verbs
- language features (simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia, metaphor)
- show personality (sounds like you, humour, feelings, exaggeration)
I’m sitting in the back of the car. Boring. Finally, Kiwi Creche! I hop out of the van and rush over to the entrance we go through the metallic sliding door and enter this shelter called a marae. They let us hold a Kiwi’s egg first and did you know that a Kiwi’s egg is a 3rd of the adult’s body? Then the woman pulls out a green box.‘I think that’s the Kiwi,’ I whisper to Teva. I’m right.
She lifts the Kiwi out of the box and takes it around for everyone to touch. It around to me. I notice that it is clicking its bill. That means that it’s angry. I also notice that its feathers are not as soft as fur because I thought kiwis would be very soft but they aren't. So I learned a lot today about kiwis. Mr.M told us to thank them and go to the toilet if you need too. I didn’t need to go so I ran towards the van.