Monday, 10 June 2013

Kiwi Creche


WALT choose words that describe a moment (in an exciting way) for the reader
YOUR SIGNS OF SUCCESS
  • begins in the action
  • present tense (I am, not I was)
  • short, sharp sentences
  • strong verbs
  • language features (simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia, metaphor)
  • show personality (sounds like you, humour, feelings, exaggeration)



Kiwi Creche
I’m sitting in the back of the car. Boring. Finally, Kiwi Creche! I hop out of the van and rush over to the entrance we go through the metallic sliding door and enter this shelter called a marae. They let us hold a Kiwi’s egg first and did you know that a Kiwi’s egg is a 3rd of the adult’s body? Then the woman pulls out a green box.‘I think that’s the Kiwi,’ I whisper to Teva. I’m right.

She lifts the Kiwi out of the box and takes it around for everyone to touch. It around to me. I notice that it is clicking its bill. That means that it’s angry. I also notice that its feathers are not as soft as fur because I thought kiwis would be very soft but they aren't. So I learned a lot today about kiwis. Mr.M told us to thank them and go to the toilet if you need too. I didn’t need to go so I ran towards the van.

4 comments:

  1. You choose your words well to describe the moment, Zach.

    Your kiwi experience really comes alive for the reader.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cool work Zach. Keep it up.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great Post Zach!
    Your writing is in present tense.
    I like how you have said why it clicks it's bill to.
    Well done:-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well done Zach!
    It sounds that it really happened,
    and it did. Great work Zach.
    Keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete

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